I dont know what it is.

Damn another dream about her again last night. She haunts me for fun now.

I dont know, i have all the friends in the world, people are nice to me, Im ok at art, i can play the drums, but i just feel something is missing.
I'm so tired of waking up in the morning to some boring everyday livestyle that ill do for all summer, i want to have someone i can wake up too, someone i can discuss anything someone who loves art and appreciates my taste in music, someone that likes me. But im afraid this person only exist in my head, i don't think they will ever exist. Im not sad or depressed or anything. Im jealous of a ton of people yes, Im jealous that shes so happy when i cant be that happy, im Jealous that all my friends are hooking up and im still the looser, im jealous that all these people are making new friends and im just becoming more and more enclosed and stupid.

I need something but i can't figure it out. I try and sleep more maybe i can learn a little bit more about me or something like that. but maybe dreams mean nothing, maybe there just there to haunt me.

I dont want to say im depressed right now im not. Im not as happy as i could be, but when im with my friends im the same, its just the loneliness that gets to you. Waking up day after day to no one. and its not just about girlfriends its about friends. Knowing that i may not hang out for another week and probably wont talk to anyone untill schools back, simple things like hanging out make my mood so much better, but right now im just eh you know?

i dont really know if anyone reads these anymore, or if anyone cares, or if anyone understands. I think next year will be better, i hope it will, god i do.


(i always love ending dramatically)